Keeping Positive (when it’s all a bit pants)

I’m often asked how I keep so positive, so I thought I would share some of the things that I’ve been doing over the last few months to help keep my mindset positive when faced with a lot of uncertainty and a very challenging situation.

Switching off from negativity

I have been very mindful and intentional about what I’m watching and bringing into my world.  I’ve been cutting out things that bring me down or affect my mood in a negative way.   Sometimes that means switching off the news, unfollowing someone or muting someone on social media, being selective with the TV programs I choose to watch and podcasts I choose to listen to.

Occasionally this means limiting my interactions with someone who is notoriously negative (we all know someone like that right?) or cutting short a conversation if it’s going in a direction that I find triggering or upsetting in some way.   This doesn’t always feel easy,  but I know it’s important that I put my mental wellness first above everything else.

If it’s impossible to cut out all the negativity, then work on reducing it or limiting it to small windows of time and give yourself time to self-regulate/reset afterwards.  Ideally by doing something fun or enjoyable to counter-balance the negative – like having a good laugh about something!

Staying off Google and group forums

I decided early on that I wasn’t going to google.   The day I was given my initial diagnosis in fact.

For someone whose google history includes “why do stars twinkle” and “what does it mean when a lady bird lands on you” this hasn’t always been an easy decision!   I live on Google, I love it to bits and often wonder how on earth we ever managed without it.

But for all the wonderful positives about google and the internet, I decided that it wasn’t wise for me to get sucked into a rabbit hole of information that might not be relevant to my individual situation and would more than likely scare the pants off me.

I made myself a pact that I would only google in short bursts for 10 minutes here and there, only looking at reputable sites like Macmillan, NHS, Maggies and anything else recommended by my medical team.

I’m still limiting myself to very short and factually relevant google searches to look up something very specific.    My medical team have been amazing and have given me lots of leaflets and information, so I don’t really feel the need to go down google rabbit holes.      I think it’s best to stick to the facts about my individual situation.    It’s scary enough as it is, without making it worse by reading about Brenda from Ontario and her adverse reaction to chemo!

For me joy is easy to find – it’s watching the squirrel randomly jumping about in my garden, the awesome sunset at the end of the day, binge watching my new favourite Netflix show while cosied up on my comfy sofa with some gorgeous smelling candles.  It’s enjoying a lovely cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit after a walk around the block.   It’s listening to music that makes me want to get up and dance, laughing with friends and spending time with family.  It’s the little moments in the day that make me smile and give me a lift.

No matter how down I may feel about having cancer – and believe me there are some days when I feel very down and sorry for myself – I can still experience great joy to balance out the sadness.

Keeping a sense of normality

I’ve gone out of my way to let friends know that I still want and need to hear all about what’s going on in their lives.    It’s a great way for me to find some balance and normality in life.

None of this “oh I don’t want to share with you, because you’re going through so much !”    Nope, we’re not doing that!   I WANT to share in your good news AND your not so good news.

I don’t want to be wrapped up in cotton wool and treated differently – I’m still me, I may be going through a shitty thing, but I don’t want it to define me and I definitely don’t want it to take over every aspect of my life.  

I thrive much better when I’m supporting other people – it’s what I enjoy most.   It’s why I love coaching !   So it really is important to me, that my friends feel they can still share their problems with me.   It gives me something else to focus on and think about, takes me away from my own problems and gives me an opportunity to feel like I can still help and support other people and be a good friend.

Having a sense of purpose

It’s scientifically proven that having a sense of purpose contributes to our overall happiness and longevity.    Setting goals, giving ourselves something to aim for and work towards, a reason to get up in the morning is a key component of maintaining a positive mindset

• it helps give us something to look forward to
• and enables us to feel accomplished and gives us something to celebrate.

Since my diagnosis, I’ve  temporarily adjusted my goals and redefined my current sense of purpose and sometimes that depends on where I am in my treatment cycle.   I’ve set myself an overall short term main goal – to keep as well and as strong as possible to get through the planned 6 cycles of chemo.

I know that I have low days after each chemo infusion – days that I just don’t feel well enough to do much of anything – so my goals for these days is just to make it through.  To not plan anything and just take it easy and give my body a chance to rest.

On the days that I have more energy I set myself different mini goals – to get out and walk a bit, do some exercise or work when I feel able to.    Having mini-goals gives me a sense of focus – something to aim for each day, while my bigger goals are on hold.

Celebrating the wins – even the tiny ones

Same days are harder than others both physically and mentally and for me these depend where I am in my treatment cycle.   On the days that I feel exhausted and physically pants,  managing to get up, take a shower and crash out on the sofa feels like a tiny win and I celebrate it.

One of the consequences of my cancer was being unable to eat properly and swallow food easily.  As treatment has progressed, my swallowing is getting easier and I throw a metaphorical party when I manage to eat something again that has been off the menu for months.   I never thought I’d be excited to tell people that I managed to eat fishcakes today, but it is what it is !   The first time I felt well enough to go out for lunch with a friend, the first time I was able to eat chips again, being able to walk in the park for longer, another round of chemo completed – they are all little milestones in my journey and I’m celebrating each and every one of them !

Focus on now – today is all that matters

Another thing I do on the days that are harder is to remember that it’s just today and maybe tomorrow.  But in a few days time, I’ll start to feel less ill again and both mentally and physically stronger and I hold on to this thought to help on the shitty days.

Worrying about what the future looks like can be overwhelming, so I try not to.   Sometimes I just focus on getting through today, sometimes the focus is on just the week ahead.   Or maybe the next 3 weeks cycle.  Breaking time down into tiny chunks and just planning for those time chunks really helps to keep focussed and not get overwhelmed about what might happen next.   And it’s a great way to remember that everything is temporary, no matter how grim things seem today, tomorrow has the potential to be so much better.

Finding time to laugh

How much time do you spend laughing each day?  Interesting question isn’t it?  If the answer is not much or hardly any time at all, my invitation to you, is to become more intentional about laughing each day. Make time to catch up with those friends or family members that always make you laugh.  And if that’s not always possible, then seek out laughter in other ways.  Watch or listen to things that make you laugh.    Laughter lowers the levels of stress hormones like cortisol and increases endorphins, the body’s natural feel-good chemicals.  It has also been scientifically proved to boost our immune system and improve circulation and heart health.

No matter how I’m feeling, I have been making sure that I am laughing everyday.  It lightens my mood and helps to keep me feeling positive.  If it doesn’t happen organically, I actively find things to watch or listen to that I know will make me laugh.

Staying positive

When everything seems hard and more than a little bit shit, maintaining a positive mindset is about making intentional choices.     Reducing negativity, finding gratitude and joy in simple everyday moments, having a sense of purpose, celebrating even the smallest wins and focusing on the present are all intentional choices that are helping me to keep smiling.   It’s not always easy, but I believe that positivity is always a choice.